going night cycle later,
THIS IS LIFE, tell me about it man.
i aint missing out good fun indeed =DD

well if u cant get a fish, get a prawn like the old saying goes.
the prawn might taste better than the fish, its how you cook it.



well, this is it. im holding on but letting go of you

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I BE PULLED THE TRIGGER AT???

and memories really play like old-school film without sound.





the places you'll never know i've been just to get a step closer to your heart

yes im a cyclist again. wheeeeeeeheeee
life today, went to safra to play pool wid ernest, den headed to his place to take the bicycle for justin.
then we headed to my place, which after went to find choo.
sorry lah choo didnt mean to keep you waiting. sorry lah dont angry okayyyyy!!!

so tmr,
its gonna be sentosaaaa in the morning for cycling.
den home,
den its gonna be IVY.
i havent seen u in 89722807240170 days~
life isnt that bad after all is it...

sometimes it seems the one you fall for,
arent the ones who would fall for you.
and thats when you have to keep it down below the surface.
in order not to ruin any good parts of the ship.

the patience, and the rushed.

OH fuck ive finished watching ZHUAN JIAO YU DAO AI. was quite a happy ending, but a sad start, cause i've NO MORE SHOWS TO WATCH.
any such drams to recommend anyone?

In front of you is a dead end,
turn towards the corner,
there will be hope.






will you marry me once, for every day in our lives ?

okay so im catching the taiwanese drama, ZHUAN JIAO YU DAO AI. featuring xiaozhu and da S.
the show's really great. serious. u guys who're reading this post should really go watch it, even if u dont understand. fuck its seriously a nice show to watch.
im at episode15 right now. yes i know its crazy to watching 15 episodes with 8 parts each episode.
but fuck i cant help it day in day out ive been watching it.
so yea, a great drama review. go catch it on youtube, rat heads =)

爱转角遇见了谁.是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美



我爱你的.心牵挂着
一直想跟你说.幸福不再溜走

Is love just like the smoke we blow,
right after we inhale from a cigarette,
vanishing right after we blow it out,
will it be like a candle,
keep on burning until the candle totally melts,
or is love like a waterfall,
never ending,
until the end of time?



would we ever be like the waterfall, drowning all ships as obstacles?

Julian can't skate. period.

I suddenly recalled of an analysis i did, bookmarked the page. Here it goes :

"You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no-one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a 'trier' and indications are that you will, as indeed you have in the past, 'bounce back'. "

okay so life today. went out with celeste, supposed to pay for the sch fee thing, but ended up with a fucked S.A.M machine. Took a bus to bugis, acc her walk around bugis village, then to topshop at bugis junction, then back to bugis village, then back to bugis junction again. then met up wid jeremy, justin, jasmin, peiling to have supper at river valley. PRATA!!

and so life tmr's prbly gonna be skate. yes skateboarding im back. thrasher, u better go take a featured photo of me. its gonna be thru the night i guess. hope i dont slap my hips on the concrete again.



if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting, time after time.

and so, life yesterday.
went to watch stomp the yard with celeste last evening at cine.
the show was " okay average can do." only
its like you got served + step up+ tap dancing.
same old kind of plots,
niggas fight, bound to be a nigga dead.
i began to wonder if life for them was really like that, fists and guns.
anyways yea. den we talk a stroll down, from LIDO right up to REDHILL.
god for so long i havent been doing much of a sport,
that was quite a feat. took couple of pics as we walked along chatsworth, right up to the foot of magaret drive, den down to redhill. den took a cab frm there to her place, den headed home.
went out to play pool and some video games wid justin choo sk and min, den headed to tanglin halt for some wanton mee. burrrp. power.



oh yes, and if any whores have any comments about my life, please let me know in my face.
dont start bitching. i know, talking behnid ppl's back seems to be a nature of humans. but i lead my life the way i want it to be. im in my right state of mind, so yea.


后来 我总算学会了如何去爱 可惜你早已远云 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白 有些人 一旦错过就不再

也许就是因为太常想你
也许就是传说中的念力 一千次发出想你的信息
你是不是也有感应 ?

why did the things around us stopped revolving,
smashing the entire line of fates,
disintegrating our paths,
making us live on with the pretense,
would we ever even cross that line,
between yours and mine.



and i'd constantly miss you, only to find myself having thoughts of you on random nights ever since

Ride into the future.

FUCKING SHIT. i want to take my driving license!!!
im gonna find a job real hard and soon. i want to take my license for fuck's sake.
life's pretty great at the moment for now, hopefully shatec takes me in.
i gotta learn abt wines there. it sucks yes i know. but lucky for me, i could pick a tip or 2 from my old man...
fuck fuck fuck everybody's gonna take their license soon. i know i shouldnt conform. BUT IM 19 ALR. yes yes i should take. i wont wait few more years for my aunt's CPF and be a bastard to take from her. im gonna take take take license license license.


i was looking thru a couple of the tees collection by UC (for u dookies who doesnt know, its undercover).
i was wondering how they do those designs. its not just drawing or planning. i was wondering if it was photoshopped. i know i shouldnt be thinking about designing anymore, given the situation that i wanna take hotel management course. i know i should really give up on art and all, but i dont know why my interest of designing still stays. the labels, the graphics. its not just about brands, its about the graphics as well.
sigh. i guess i should just give in to fate and drop the idea of art already.

and i read the interview with dave white on the hypebeast forum.
stated there that he's 17. fuck he's a talented artist no doubt. he paint sneaks and all. he's got his own clothing line. we dont see such things happening in s'pore except SBTG isnt it. s'pore got a small market. with brands like headline, afterlife (afterlife is crap), hooked clothings, accidental potrait. well maybe headline's doing well only. surrender and sbtg has both gone international.
well, thats singapore. small country, small market. big spendings from the people. learn from the gurus, rat heads =)



these are the words i cant speak, these are the feelings i can spit.

curse and swear,
those tortures that god will make us wear.

yes it does look kind of silly.

i wanna skate back again. arghhhh jfklajflahgnagihekqhgioqeh
the fever's coming back again...cause of dez who did a kickflip in front of me =/
now to the peeps whos gonna start and go "hahaha julian's grown fatter he aint gonna skate for nuts" think again, bbq-ed rat heads.

so for the past few days, been out, to shatec, to shatec, and shatec. for 3 days.
met up with ivy for 2 days, cant remb which 2 days.
practically met justin and choo for everyday.
spent 1 day wid celeste. yes i know, i owed u. =D
spent everyday online. yes yes.
got back around 12 plus earlier, was at around somerset, slacking around wid justin choo and daryl.


skip the bape bling, ive bought a cheaper alternative. sbtg black saigon. tell me whos the king. HEH HEH. nahhh. im broke, thats why i needed to buy a cheaper alternative. and yea, the red camo shit's not worth the money like the guys said. break it open tmr, on peiling's birthday bash.
im gonna save moneeeeeeeeeeeee. ive got loads of things to get. im gonna work. i know, ive been procrastinating about work, laze around and all. but yes, for the sake of my stuffs.
life's pretty great at the moment. no bitching whores, no worries except for shatec.

okay so its fuck nafa.
i dont get the damm idea of being in 1 of the 100 over people in the desperate waiting list.
chances of getting in is fucking slim, and i have to wait for the results like may or june.
its really a "fuck you" to them.

its gonna be fuck shatec if i dont get in this one this time.
PLEASE GOD, WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU DESPERATELY for your sake.


well, been boring wid life cause of my tertiary applications. fuck them all.

on friday, celebrated xuling's birthday with jeremy.
went to seah street for dinner, den sat around rocky master and had a drink, then headed home. took loads of pics with them both, with some hilarious ones.
like the ones when xuling took wearing jeremy's supreme blazers. real cockhead she is at times. lol

and oh yes. TRUE RED TRUE RED may you be mine really!
fuck im been dying for this pair of BABIES.
i have jeremy partly to thank. if not for the patents i dont think i'll get what i want right now.
and ji too. those were yours initially, and its gonna land into another stranger's hands.
too much of ailment with the sneaker freak obsession. well, so long.

and those red camo blings. u'll be mine before u know it =DDD
when there's a will, there's always a way.

and why doesnt Edison gives me the set of clothes he gave john mayer. FUCK U JOHN ure seriously in luck.
the set came with an alienegra white camo, a pair of clot x madsaki 517's, and a pair of clot air max!!!!!
wtfbbqchaoda. sometimes i really wonder how the celebrity circle walks around.
companies giving celebrity sponsor, and let them endorse. like how blackberry gave Edison the phone-cum-PDA.
lucky fuckies.




those flashbacks came instantly without a warning,
and memories played like flims without sounds

god please let me into nafa.
i dont wanna go back to prison for fuck's sake.
godma's place is a prison if im gonna retake O's.
qss. private. whatever it is.
and if im goin into godma's place,
goodbye my friends. take care.
i will miss you guys loads =(



if seeing you again is a mistake i have no choice but refusing to repent.

no matter how hard we try,
we cant prevent rumours,
only the ones who really know us well enough
can judge our characters.
and you,
you're not one of them to judge me.
people have all their fingers pointed at you,
yet i tried not add another.
still, i got my ass kicked by your words.

im convinced.
all my friends were right about you all along.
yet i refused their judgment about you.
how stupid was i.
i should have just listened and stopped giving chances.
words spread fast, so please dont pull a fast tale on me.
cause you'll probably gonna burn in hell, bitch.

class512 2006, shall we organise another chalet or something??!!
fuck, i missing you guys all of a sudden.

My appeal letter. FUCK.

Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts
To whom it may concern


I am Julian chan, formerly from queesnway secondary school. I have tried to apply for this school for its diploma in visual communications, but unfortunately rejected due to not meeting the school's requirements of 4 credits in o level. I only managed to achieve 3 credits. But i still hope that you will accept me, because i feel i want to excel in this area, of arts.

I have basic relevant painting/drawing experience in the past 3 years of art lesson in my secondary school, from sec3 to sec5. From a student who does not know anything about shading and painting i become a student who did fairly well for o levels, with a B4 in art and design.

I sincerely hope you will accept me, because i know i will be able to get into the competitive world of design, and the desires of the market's demand. I want to cater, not only to design, but also to the ideas of the society in the future fully equipped with the skill that i have learnt from this school, after i graduate if i am able to get into this school.

I can also ensure my efficiency, in terms of taking charge of my future projects, as well as manage my time well. I will not push my credits further, rather if you are willing to give me a chance to prove myself a place in this school, and your allowance will not be disappointed.

I sincerely hope you will put my appeal and my portfolio into consideration, as i really hope to enter this school, and excel.


Yours sincerely,
Julian chan,
6/3/06

i have never felt so lost in my life.
not to the extent of not knowing what i want with it,
or where i can go with it.
can someone, just anyone.
direct me.
god, anyone.
god, if you can direct me really,
a million thanks wont do,
but my faith will increase for you.
really.
im basically screwed with everything i have, and everything that i dont

a hundred tonights wont bring things to place for fate.
a thousand goodbyes wont heal these wounds,
a million hearts, wont ever camouflage one boy's anticipation for you.

Ronin- One more moment

Don't take too long to say
"I love you" to the ones you love,
cause time has a habit of slipping away

Out on a clear blue sky,
when lighting strikes on a sunny day,
just take me in and keep me from the rain,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you
Turn around to say goodbye,
with each and every word that passes by,
like a distant memory,
and time keeps slipping away,
and time will turn to grey,
and time will be the one who holds you down,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,

And I want you by my side,
and I need you here tonight,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you

Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong,
and in the end it hits you hard,
please tell me you'll be strong

sometimes i wonder,
if we hadnt knew each other in the first place,
would fate ever give in?
cause time has a habit of slipping away.
and i could only keep everything right down under,
right away, away from your face...



cant explain all the things that you're making me feel, my heart's been over-driven and you're behind the steering wheel

there's a lot of words the heart wants to convey.
but there's a lot of impossibilities the mind will have
and a lot of hurt the mouth will say.
then when the thought's running away from reality,
escaping insanity before it comes.

butterflies in a bottled mind

what do you do, when there's no road for you to go?
do you search, or just simply sit aside and brood over impossible possibilities?