I LOVE YOU GUYS LOADS!!! fucking shits!!!!!
and not forgetting layhoon's wallet. thanks yea lao mei!!! hahaa

OKayy so today was the season finale of my birthday celebration. the 3rd and last day. was a blast as usual. went to cream bistro to have dinner with corrine, jeremy and jennie. after that headed to partyworld which jenn went off first cause she was sick. poor thing, get well soon alright!!
AND, during close to the ending of the ktv session, chick and gang rushed into the room, and gave me a pair of the levis. fuck i love you guys alright!! =D

will upload pics tmr of the shoes and jeans.

LOVE YOU GUYS LOADS !!


and to jenn. though you're sick nevertheless you made the effort to call us out and entertain us. and i love you for that =DD


and huiting, i guess i have you to thank. for betraying me and giving my address to jennie. =DD
and jenn, the stars were pretty although some were flattened. 23 stars, the number of days we didnt talk.

okay, so life was a blast lately during last 2 days of birthday. except for the fucked la selle interview. those lecturers should just die immediately.
so life on the 24th. went to jack's place to having dinner, den marina for the movie "protege" and coffee club at town for the cake eating session.
(not in any order or bias) THANKS ji, jeremy, kt, cheryl, ivy, cheryl, bridget, dez, sherie, viknesh, leonard, tabs, victoria, shaun and lastly my beloved sister layhoon. you guys made me and jeremy's day indeed. love u guys loads yea!! thanks for the presence,company,and the cake!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS, WILL ALWAYS DO, AND MORE MORE MORE

and on the 25th, went to partyworld at town,den to watch the movie "ghost rider" den supper at river valley. (not in any order again) THANKS justin, jasmin, huiting, soon keong, choo hoo, jeremy, and victoria for the blast. frm the presence, the company, the cake (though i saw thru your plans, LOL), and lastly the present. these guys gave me a fucking tweeds2 dunk!!!! . I LOVE YOU GUYS LIKE FUCK TOO!!! MORE MORE MORE.

and lastly, the 2 darlings who celebrated my birthday year after year, my 2 sidekicks. XULING AND JENNIE. thanks xuling for acc me to la selle, and waiting for me outside for 1 hour plus (justin and choo, thanks for waiting too. u guys rock, ). thanks jenn for the presents, and the kiss on the cheek. i didnt washed my face for your info. LOL. no la jk man. though we had cold war for almost 1 month. i didnt didnt didnt forget you at all. stuck in my mind all the time =DDD
lousy kisser lah u. LOL. kiddin lah. like u said, it strengthens our bond, and prove how much we cant live without each other's company through this 1 month. love u loads really!!
and thanks both of u, for the boxers. abit kinky and cheesy LOL, but yes, love u guys loads. i'll wear the boxers often alright!!

and to add, IVY. i really thank you, and on behalf of jeremy as well. thanks for being present, though you're stressed over your papers, yet you never failed to show up. and now you're sick, take care alright!!! and yes the importance of you again, always lending a shoulder when i needed one, love you loads too!! =DDD

THANKS YOU GUYS!!!
and peeps who i didnt meet and yet wished me anyways, thank you guys as well!!!

how do you pronounce " I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U-G-U-Y-S" ??

as for the fortune cookie, " something you lost will soon be found" i found what i've once lost, and i will put in my all not to lose it again. and thats one of the important friends, jennie tan shu xian. more than a nagging wife, more than just confidante. just more.

the old me.

the fat ass im becoming. fuck.



I MUST DO SOMETHING SOON. BEFORE I LOOK LIKE GARFIELD.


and hello ivy =)

ate a fortune cookie again at aunty helen's place that day,
and the note read "something you lost will soon be found."
uncanny.

after trust comes betrayal,
i'll watch you fall as you watch me fall




When I lost you, I played a part I never really knew, Letting go, was the best thing I could do

fade to ashes when your presence isnt being felt

well life seemed relatively realistic today.
ate a fortune cookie, and the note wrote "A firm friendship will prove the foundation on your success in life."
went to catch the jack neo's film, just follow law; and it quote fairly "when you're not in you, thats when you realize yrself " cause in the movie gurmit singh and fann wong got their souls switched into each other's body. and it also made a lot of sense in the movie.
as in, you wont feel the real you unless you look upon your doings in another person, thats when you realize your sins and mistakes.
as for the fortune cookie; be it pure coincidence or sheer luck, im sure it hit me hard.

you always think you hit the nails.
cause thats probably gonna be the only thing you're good at.
start wagging your tongues,
cause firecrackers are gonna start blowing,
so is your mind games.

sit yourself in a situation of a merry-go-round.
u repeat the circles, till the whole thing stops.
and when it stops, u pause and start thinking
" was that my ideal definition of life? "
cause there's never a correct answer for it.

畫面開始沒有她　我還在裝傻

people come, people go.
isnt that the trend in the flow?

there's 2 kinds of blind people in this world.
1 is the kind who lost his sight and doesnt want to face reality, afraid of the darkness ahead.
the other's the kind who lost his sight but still faces the world, not being paranoid of the darkness he faces.

and im one of those in the 1st kind.


there's 2 kind of people u meet in this world.
1 who cant be bothered to talk to you
1 who talks non stop and irritates you.

isnt life hard to satisfy



and i wont wait anymore for you to start talking. its either you do, or you dont. ive pleaded and its draining precious time

read me, and thats the furthest you can ever go,
cause you have no means of comprehending me.

so life lately.
stayed at home the whole day to mantle wid my portfolio. thank god la selle called me up. at least my chances of getting into army is slimmer once again. please god, grant me this 1 wish and let me enter tertiary education cause i really dont wanna stop right at o levels.
and please NAFA i hope u'll approve my application as well. i wanna get into teaching.
though i cant imagine students calling me " mr chan" or myself telling them " class i want to see your coursework" still, a chance is present.

PLEASE PLEASE GOD. im having faith.


live with me, or leave me. i dont have that much patience to attend to the needs of everyone.

This aint a scene. its a god damned arms race

search for conscience hard,
because it doesnt search for you

the bus ride today seemed as long as the day before. why does time seem so slow, or is heaven giving me an opportunity to sort out my thoughts before i move on with life. time doesnt heal i swear. it creates only more spaces for grievances.

only losers lay in their prolonged miseries. and i am one of them right now. a sore loser, with reluctance in accept the fact of life. give me some time before i stand on my own 2 feet again, ready to face the world.

once again, what you see in front of you isnt what you really anticipated for, but what you anticipated for didnt appear in your sight.

through life, through your darkest storm, through your gloomiest days will you see who really stands beside you. and these people you didnt even once treasured. ironically, those who you treasure, you dont often get to see them stand beside you. they're either too far away, or they simply cant be bothered.
move on with life julian chan.
and to those who suffered the same fate. move on guys, dont lay in your misery for too long, cause its gonna hurt every night before you sleep, and every morning when you wake up. thats reality when you dont wanna face it. find a path quick before you hit the bottomless pit where you wont be able to find a ground and stand on your 2 feet and get something right.
though who succeeded, congrats though. though i cant really be bothered to find out where's you winners are heading to cause im finding a hole to bury my sorrows in.



i wont be able to feel your presence anymore, though up till this day i pray that we'll talk again like we always once did.

can anyone tell me why does one thing always lead to another? i've got fucking lousy grades, i've got fucked up aunties calling me up and telling me " you're a big disappointment"
and FUCK YOU YO. i wasnt the retarded bastard who said i wanted to take O LEVELS alright
and when i dont do well, to you fucked oldies im a big disappointment. when i passed my n levels you oldies thought i will do well in o levels. FUCK YOU, YOU HEAR ME ??!!!!
yes im a big disappointment i'm a big failure.
all you suckers out there want a piece of laughter? go ahead, i have no rights to say no cause ive done my worst.

and thanks ven and the rest who consoled me. thanks but yea i'll prbly start to move on soon enough.

the bus ride on the way home seemed so long,
the time spent in the shower seemed forever.
the thoughts of future roads seemed down to only a couple.
when you see people glee with joy when they've achieved something,
you can blame no one except yourself.
you set this up upon yourself.

im a failure isnt it? im a lousy student, fate didnt set this up for me. im a lousy friend, fate certainly didnt set this up either.
ive lost my future, ive lost someone dear.
soon enough i might even lose my life, if fate's gonna set this up for me.

the turmoils, obstacles that makes us stronger and stirs our thoughts real hard.








alright, goodbye. i wont pin my hopes anymore.

dont even bother to add any comments if ure intending to.
i dont even wish to talk about all those unrequired stuffs ive got loads of other things long enough to form a queue for me to think about than to even go add a another word to. whatever you're thinking of doing, just do it. i cant really be bothered anymore.






are we still not gonna talk? is it gonna be forever? jennie tan!!! answer me!!!

are we gonna remain like this forever? is my goodbye really unable to take it back, is it impossible to really relive the past like we once did? i know everything seems too late. those words u once told me. im gonna tell it back to you now, sooner, or later. so here it is. "i just wanna let you know how much you mean to me, yet i didnt cherished you" was this sentence familiar? when i was angry with you, you made endless attempt to salvage this relationship, friendship. whatever you call it.
and yet i just stood firm, not wanting to talk. now im feeling what you felt. i know, everything's too late no matter how hard we try to put back the pieces again there will still be scars. im not seeking for your acceptance, i just want you to try opening up once again and let me in.
all these while you thought i was just being cold, but in reality all these while the thoughts of you just ran around in my mind. i dont know why but it just does.
the emptiness is still hanging, till the day you're coming back.

a friend you once were, and will still be. i'll be waiting.

jennie tan these words are for you!!! i know u'll be reading this. im on my knees, hoping we'll talk again someday. i dont care if those packets of stars sent to mailbox were from you. if they were why dont you just send me a message?

心裡的雨傾盆而下, 卻始終淋不到她, 寒風經過院子裡的枝掗, 也冷卻了我手中的鮮花

whoever you who sent me that pack of 19 stars. thank you but can u at least state your name.
or at least if u wanna keep it a secret just send me an sms or call me. u're freaking me out this way. your handwriting is illegible, and i havent got the slightest idea of who you are. anyways, i suppose it meant for my birthday. thanks anyway, anonymous.

i take my hats off you, i salute you. you've won!!!
what else? victory party? champagne? candlelight dinner?
name it! i'll give it to you dude!!!




its too late i know but i dont wanna regret having you only in the memories and past of reality, only to realize you're long gone before i knew u had

am i fucking hard to understand?

tell me, who am i to trust these days?? its getting even harder, to confide in the ones you're close with anymore.

the outcast of different individualities, the disagreements and split views.
i will be understanding enough when i have the means, and if you dont get it, den i find it pointless to talk further, cause if i dont even have the money to watch movies where am i, to buy a fucking labelled stuff.