wowwweeee havent been blogging for the past 5 days,
so to begin on friday. went to KTV with ivy, cy, leonard,justin, jasmin, huiting, kelwin, sk, joe, guanfeng, peiling, cynthia. wad a blast. then went to clarke quay to slack thereafter went home.
saturday went out with chick and peeps, watched " blades of glory" fuck that was hell out of a movie. havent been to the movies with them for long time alr. diff people diff interest these days. who gives a shit about you, you could really tell, and who doesnt.

and this, to my beloved mom on sunday
thanks for being my shield, my listening ear, my defense for my past 19 years. since young i've always been a naughty kid, getting into fist fights and getting into the teachers' bad books, but yet u shielded me no matter how bad i was. i can still remember the time you did my homework for me when i was in pri 4, and how the teacher chided you infront of the other parents, yet you took it in your stride. it felt bad i could tell. i can remember how you went to talk to Mr chua and how you wanted me to repeat my secondary 3. i remember how bad u begged him just to let me continue studying secondary school. i remember how happy you looked when i passed my n levels and how disappointed you were when i did badly for my o's. i remember how anxious you were when i couldnt get into an art school, and how you wanted me to quickly defer my army. i remember how glad you were when i had a school to go into, and how you rushed for my uniforms and books.
and for all these and more, thanks for being my mother.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM,
love you deep deep!!
and the pizza tasted good indeed =DD
i will try to give you what you've always wanted; grades.
i will try i promise =)



love comes, love go. you and i, we're gonna line love up in a row.

god please open up a route for me.
im about to break down so badly im about to fall.
please just rise and come down to me,
take my pain, just take it all.






and my worst pains are words i cannot say, still i will always fight on for you

LOVE;
its that simple, when u turn the poker cards of 7,0, Ace, and 3.
it happens as easily as that. and it ends as quickly when you tear the cards up. its that simple.
people fight so hard to win the heart of that certain someone,
just to earn heartbreaks and tear drops. some break their own hearts, some just drop their tears and continue on with the journey.
and some in the process get all so sensitive over trivial issues by not trusting the other party.
some throw up the fucked up tantrum like people owe them a living.
well, ive learnt in aunt's church " to love one another."
to love one another is 1 thing. to love for the wrong other is altogether another issue.
burnt marks leave scars, and hearts get locked up behind bars.
when you're convicted of that love so hard you cant let go, thats no love anymore
; its possession.
love happens, when you let go without regrets to see your significant others live their lives happily,
cause a person's reflection will only come when they have lost some thing off them.




and for that i cant say i love you, cause we'll end up at 2 ends of the world

There are some things you can only wait.
in silence.

and after you find everything is through,
this is me, standing before you.




i wont wait because it wont fade.

Tomorrow's FnB official training date. no gimmicks go bullshits, real people real guests. fuck.
CAN I STOP TIME.
oh well, friday please come faster then. stop at sunday.
and im still missing queensway secondary school. fuck im not getting emo its just that i cant let it go. all that memories in queensway. a swift 6 years and poof!, we're all in our seperate ways.
classmates called me "pangseh" today. but oh well. secondary schoolmates comes first, people who feel the way i do, im sure they understand =)
in future i dont know, but for now these will be the people i treasure. and love them deep deep. quoted by Mr bullshit/bulgit singh. LOLLOL
im starting to like this discipline master of mine alot. and his sentence "from the words of my late grandmother; FUCK OFF"
wad an interesting lecturer. lol. love him deep deep lah.



through hell and flames, i see your name

cause the last thing i will do it to beg you.
fuck you, hear me dad.
cause one day if u ever land up in the old folks home dont fucking ask me why

Dont tell me why you can read me,
when i tell you ignorance struck you for a long time.

guilt. the mother of all crimes, the government of all wrongdoings.
and the holder of your conscience.
people tend to keep quiet at things. they cant give u a definition of something you want. why? its because they dont realize something they've been accumulating that seems to be wrong.
people just takes others for idiots, thinking life goes on without any thing that seemed to be wrong.
and you seemed like you've been sentenced for it =/


i cant tell you what i want, why not tell me what you can offer ?

If i ever die tomorrow,
letters ive written and kept will be sent out to everyone, everyone whom i treasure. I feel like im disintegrated from life, i feel helpless. so bad till i cant even do anything to change my own fate.
I've more or less finished writing all these letters, in case my life ends in an instant.
because life is so unpredictable i've seen friends leave one by one from this earth,
i dont want to bring along regrets with me when i leave.




As I go, remember all the simple things you know, My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone, This is the last song

phew. life for the past week was hectic indeed. coudnt blog cause my dad spoilt my cpu few days back, and my password's being kept inside this com.
so yea, back to life.
the week passed relatively fast and smooth, from monday till friday.
went out with justin on tues to harbourfront,
home for wed and thurs,
had a date with girlfriend on friday.
in case u're wondering, woooooo who the hell.
yes, Sim huiting. yes i know all that controversy's gonna start behind my back again.
well, if u fellas wanna talk about it, why not do it in front of me =DDD
oh well. we went to far east to have chicken rice, den treated her to that gelato thinggy.
den got interrupted by justin and kelwin. so we play billard bla bla.
Sat was hell of abit disappointing, cause many couldnt turn up. peiling and xiaohui had to work the following day so they didnt join us for the steamboat at my place.
so had it with justin kelwin jasmin guanfeng jeremy leonard.
sunday was a stay home day.
today had school, finished at 7plus. fuck shatec's schedule once again.
yes yes yes hopefully friday comes around fast enough again. will be accompanying jenn to the dentist.

and now a random subject. my new friends in class. though i seldom join them outside class, still i find their friendship warming. though we barely knew each other for 2weeks, we could get along real well, other than that hong kong bastard. the rest were all great people. tmr's hui hui's bday and we're going out. first ever shatec class outing. HAHA.
but one thing's for sure. no matter how close these friends are, they will never be compared to my fellas, from justin and peeps to jeremy and peeps, right to ivy.
these are friendships that one will never forget braving all storms and rainbows through years =DDD





and between now and then till i see you again, i'll be loving you, love me.

yes, friday's coming again. i just cant seem to wait for the weekends to come, meeting the fellas, hanging around crapping and catch up on the week's activities. read peiling's blog and somehow i feel she's right. we cant seem to find friends in school now, maybe cause we cant bear to part with the ones we love, the ones we're so close to all these while before tertiary started.
that explains how much we miss them, and how i think if it comes to one day the ones i really treasure arent my friends anymore. well, some are gone. some are going. some are locked right deep inside. And perhaps thats the primary reason why i nvr socialize with my classmates outside school.
well, life today was quite a breeze for the sizzling 5hrs that everyone assumed to be burnt from.
did more napkin folding, and the table setting. instant flashbacks of working life at the raffles hotel 2 years ago came to my mind. damn.
had econs lessons today, and i think im probably gonna get burnt from the econs test 3 weeks from now. stoned around during POC lessons. I just dont get the idea of having a communications class when its all common sense. oh well, perhaps i will slowly learn the importance of it, just like its too late for me to realise the importance of maths and science.
Well tmr and friday's gonna be quite relaxed, cause tmr's lessons end at 4, and friday's lesson end at 11 plus. Now u know why i like thurs and fridays SO MUCH.







i got a lot to say but i guess i'll start by, saying that i love you, but you know this aint a walk in park for the both us

Everyday you see people holding on to the things you want so badly,
knowing you wont be able to get it and yet you try to find a replacement.
And everytime disappointment hits you again and again,
yet you cant utter your thoughts.
what can you even try to say when your world crumbles down and buries you?



tell all my friends im dead, im leaving you, this time is for good, tell all my friends that im dead, it wont be long before you forget my name

i've come to a point again where i feel i cant do it anymore.
though its gonna be a letdown, im sorry to those i promised.
i dont think i can go through these pains.
i give up.
every single thing i clung onto,
every single thing i fought hard for to keep,
i give up.





i dont love you, like i do, yesterday

I don't have an attitude problem,
you just got a problem adjusting to it

okay something abit normative and personal, slightly political as well.
well, im sure every single soul knows about the shooting in VT, in the U.S.
HAH that bastard was kind of a hero dude!!! he shot 30 plus ppl u know. goddamm.
and to add, we cant really blame the shit out of him, because he was teased by those Caucasians man. i read the newpaper, and it stated that those shitheads teased and taunted him with words like " go back to china" fucking racists man. i bet they didnt watch freedom writers.
that had enuff reasons for him to shoot them down man. people used to say things like " hey dont be a fucking racist" and look now, who's not following norms dude.
when i read that sentence "go back to china"
i felt a great sense of support towards him. i dont support killers usually, but for someone who kills because of being teased so badly about race, he deserves abit of credit isnt it.
30 odd people, what a feat.

why do people regret and give all sorts of reason to win something back,
only when they've lost something so dear to them?
is that a normal human being's nature?
or have they failed to see the ongoing process of everything?





you want something bad, fight for it. Its because you didn't try, that led you to the ground.

Only when shit happens will you find who really stands by you.
be glad they stood by you, be glad they were absent.
everything has just begun.

and i just hope you know,
that if you say goodbye today,
i'd ask you to be true,
cause the hardest part of this,
is leaving you



and im counting the days to go,and it just ain't living

so life today.
went to meet justin for lunch at tiong bahru, den went home, went to queensway shopping centre to acc justin for his job interview thing, had a bad mood and went to the arcade to punch some real puncher. for the first time i hit 150, something im not proud of, but just to be able to conclude that when anger gets the better of you, you could do rampage. well, i tried, but so what? those punches left a swell on my fists.
thereafter went to anchorpoint, supposedly to have dinner but had no appetite, so sat at the food court and had a long chat wid justin and jasmin.
thanks to you both, for all that advices, or else i wouldnt know how else to control my temper.
owe u guys one really. you both taught toleration to life, and that is perhaps the first step of everything. to forgive and forget. to swallow pride.
every first step will be tough, but as we go on i believe the paces will be smoother than before.

i want to continue, to be accepted, as well as be condemned.
to those who could possibly accept what i am, thanks for your faith.
to those who cant, sorry i let you down and out, but thats just too bad.

for a friendship that's worth keeping, nothing else matters

im still learning,
pardon me.
im still hesitating,
free me,
im trying to be calm,
guide me,
i dont want to flare up anymore,
cool me,
i want to be a better person,
teach me.
if i ever be,
live with me
if i wont be,
leave me.



once in your lifetime there's someone you cannot love,
unlike the beautiful scenario of the skies and doves

we cant control the fate and lives of others, neither would we let others control our lives and fates.
so at the end of the day, we walk alone, and our lives submitted in our hands. choices.
and no, i dont need people who comes once in awhile asking how's my life. the most probable answer would be "fine without you"

Okay so i just got back from school, learnt couple of stuffs during FnB practical today.
learnt alot of about napkin foldings, the display and utility folds. well u might say " wah good what learnt so much" like my mom. but it sucks man though i know how to fold.
though i had fun in school, loads, but still a part of me still makes me think alot though, and thats my friends. i seriously miss them alot. though we'll go separate ways from now till the future into the working society, never will us be disintegrated =)
had econs lesson today. fuck none of them understood a word though they seemed to be hardworking. i could really say this class will jolly well be a competitive class, an individuality survival class. i guess i just have to really to work hard. god please shoot me.

and so, during comms class we had to present about if we were an object or thing, what would we be.
and here's the unfinished part, a couple of things deep inside i want to really be.
Time. I want to be time, to stop as and when due to my command. Somethings are worth fastfowarding, while others are worth stopping for. i could stop, and take a look around on the beautiful scenes ive missed, or those i was oblivious to. I used to skip many things which i dont bother to look about and just concentrated on my self centred thinking, not knowing other than thorns in life, there could be beautiful flowers, scented with sweetness along the way.

and one example of things that ive failed to see, is my weaknesses. ive lived in denial through my life, not knowing there are time ive arson my mind with all that shit thoughts, not bothering to think the reason. and i've never bothered to fight for my desires. friendships, relationships.
i never wanted to fight hard to salvage a real friendship until its lost, i have never wanted to go after the girl i really loved, giving excuses like no confidence. i've learnt confidence can be built, if you really try hard. and that no doubt, is something im starting to embark on, a journey that could really be colourful if you put in effort to colour.

i would wanna be a rollercoaster, to experience all sorts of life, ups and downs.
i used to be afraid of life having downs, and selfishly only wanted the ups. People can really love rollercoaster, or detest it. and thats what i want to be, to be liked and detested upon.
we cant expect all the best things in life isnt it?

being something called "memories" isnt as bad either.
like ive learnt from someone dear, memories play like film without sound.
flashbacks in an instant, could make someone just smile to himself or herself with silliness,
or make someone cry with regrets and hatred. A mistake made in the past, when flashed back into a person's mind, could well remind him or herself not to repeat, but rather repent.

so, to you nosey parkers reading this post,
IF you could be something to best reflect yourself, what would it be?



we cant buy back time, but we could spend the rest of our lives wisely

The reason for progress

For my late uncle's wish before he died,
For my late grandma who wish to see me do well in life.
for my dear mother who went through pains,
and my aunties who seen me through my entire life so far.






this one gonna be for you uncle, grandma, my 5 mothers, and 1 mother.

The woman of my life

Never have i realised the importance of my mum. till my enrolment for shatec.
my mom got all so anxious for my tertiary, and at 19, she still has to wake me up for school.
shameful indeed. Its only 19 years after i was born, and only now that i realised the importance of my mom. i didnt really think what would i become if my mom wasnt around anymore. ive become too dependent on her. though i often shouted at her, though we quarrel over things like monetary issues or trivial matters, deep inside i know she cares.
she nvr forgets to wake me up for school for my past years, never forget the necessary things like whether i would have my allowances, or what happened in school for my everyday life.
she would often ask about how's school, how's studies coming along. she's been more than a mother, as though a friend. she's quite cool at times, like buying abercrombie jeans for herself and showing it off to me, like my dad who showed off his adidas superstar in full red colour to me.
no words can describe what kind of pains she's been through for me and my brothers through these years. and thats a mother who go through pains to provide the best for her children
be it dead or alive, she will always be that mother who cares.


and for that, i still love you mom.

i suddenly miss class 512 seriously.
SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE WAS NEVER BETTER.
fuck man really. tertiary's crap. from that shit uniform all the way to travelling to school.
i seriously cant wait for 2 years to pass. serious. god just strike lightning on me.
maybe i just need sometime to get over it.
and im definately missing my friends.
from people to justin and peeps to ivy.
i miss you guys loads. nvm this weekend okay!

okay so life today. spell the word SCHOOL, and u'll probably know it burns you like hell does.
made a couple of friends with classmates.
all sorts of shape, all sorts of sizes, all sorts of ages, all sorts of nationality.
its through words that these people say that makes me realise im about to embark on a route of uncertainty, and i'm about to taste life at either its sweetest, or its most sour.
well certain enough im still held back by the fact that people are going to tertiary schools in their casual clothings and i, in a fugly formal uniform.
i really cant get over it, i cant.
people tend to tell me "okay what look quite smart and all" fuck u dont know how it burns till you fucking put on that shit and walk to the building from the mrt station.
alright, now to my classmates. i made friends with a guy named wee jun, he's a fucking retard. a real retarded joker. ive been laughing for hours because of his humour. and another guy, nicholas. he's another retard cause he keeps laughing AND laughter mind you, can be fucking contagious.
so well, though we havent known each other well, they could be the ones i would be networking with in the near future when i get into the hotel line.
after all, i would need them during these 2 years of studying, without classmates, you'll prbly end up isolated, and being talked about behind your back so no point putting up the cold front isnt it =)
and so, lessons supposed to end at 8pm today but the old man let us off at 645. good god.
AND YES, tmr's lesson is from 10am to 130pm! fucking glad cause the weeks to come are gonna be hell repetitions.
but on the other hand, i pay the lecturers 13k for them to take leave and MC =/ assholes.

and the lessons,
i learnt loads of things. like FLAMBE. thats cooking with the big fire thing in front of the guest, a kind of restaurant showmanship.
no struggling with food, no overdoing like a clown, thats their rules.
i learnt the cutleries, the cookeries, and the places that carries them,
personal hygiene, bla bla so on and so forth.
i learnt how hotels in s'pore are being graded, and here it goes.
-small hotels, 200rooms and below.
-medium hotels, 201 to 400 rooms.
-large hotels 401 to 600 rooms.
-VERY large hotels 601 rooms and above.

LOL. not 5stars or 6stars, but SIZE.
so yea. thats all for now.

and words will not stop me from studying hard this time around, you motherfuckers can try telling me "oh u suck u cant go polytechnics", tell me in my face, dont do those faggot lines behind. cause we'll see stands the last at the line of life.




its not your hands i wanna hold, its your heart i wanna touch.

and friends,
a couple of close and good ones will do.
u dont need a 100 friends to search for 1 good friend.
u only need 1 good friend, to replace the 100 friends

and after all that emotions and shits,
life on the friday 13th was boring indeed. i wasnt injured or anything unlike 3 years ago that freak accident. went ktv with justin jasmin ivy jeremy.
felt fucked up for awhile, in fact 2 days,
no one else would know the reason except myself.
and life yesterday, went to collect my xray report,
went to godma's place, den went to geylang east to change and get new uniforms for sch.
went home, then headed to lot 1 to pick peiling up from work, due to her request.
and life today, heading to vivo soon, pass the shoes to celeste, and pick peiling up from work today cause i was late yesterday =/



will time bring us closer or further, only we have the fate of time in our hands

school's gonna start in less than 24 hours time,
alot of things dashing through my mind.
and i seriously will miss u guys.
everyone.
its like im gonna die,
but never mind, weekends are meant for you guys
we'll nvr split. memories will forever play like film,
but with sound =)
take care everyone, no matter which route you're heading to tomorrow.

The escalator to life

As i stood on the escalator, it took me upwards i could see the light at the other end, to others it meant hope, to me it meant reality was approaching, with every inch the escalator moved towards the end.



i'll take the lead and that's if im taking you into forever

when no sacrifice is too big, no distance is too far
when you want somebody badly and given,
you're willing to let the person go.
thats love.

When ure about to fall into a deep slumber,
every single sound turns into melody,
dragging you away from being awake

no matter how deep a friendship is,
there's bound to be deception points.
remember to catch the surface,
cause it's a giveaway clue.





just wait for destiny will do, be with me please i beseech you

If there is a replacement for a significant other,
hearts will definately break





Just one, one moment will do, for me to pick my courage and say "be with me, will you"

and i dont wish to die in my sleep tonight,

at least not for now

the hardest thing, is to see the one you love, running into someone else's arms.
the inevitable thing is to hear your paper heart tearing into pieces, your glass heart breaking, and seeing your plastic heart melt. no matter what material your heart is made off, its still deforming

why am i still hiding myself at this point of time?

i've come to a point at that very moment,
not wanting to do anything, not wanting to study for my future, its a fucked up thought,
somehow you find excuses to escape reality, finding replacements, but somehow you still cant get over it.
that bullshit about life being short, life is really long. and you have that random thought of cutting it short, jumping down a building and end everything. okay, how about bursting up instead, it makes life less scary.
i guess i need to read about a book dominantly named "life". we all want to find out what's being installed for life. but in factual scenes, we'll never know till we go through it, and thats what im fighting hard for. for the one you love, for the ones you love. and for yourself that you love.

i could tell you how im feeling, only to find you drifting away far.


i used to believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart right now

OH well, went for the shatec orientation today. fuck, the girls in my class, about 5-8 of them are hot. seriously man.
but oh well, not really that interested =)
and fuck today's friday the 13th. i hope nothing bad happens today, esp what happened to yonn shen 2 years back. my luck has been bad this year anyways wads more to happen anyway.

and so life today, went to CMPB to differ my army, thank god i could differ. after that dragged miss SKK to acc me for the xray thing. fuck the xray room felt like hell. like ure gonna die or something.
den headed to town to stroll along wistma to get her cousin's fone done, and strolled along far east, which miss fiona came along to meet us. headed home, den down to esplanade riding, den to fullerton, and rode down cantonment and all the way to tanglin halt. and dehhh police scanned the 3 of us justin jasmin and i, cause we were dashing along the roads. fuck man wad dumb luck.
and here i am, home. tmr's gonna be hectic. orientation from 9AM to 2PM. will someone save me. im gonna break down cause its 4am now.





and even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart until the end of time
and all i need is you, my valentine.

for everything thats been paid for my tertiary,
all the more thats a reason for me to study hard.
i wont say it, i rather show it.
next monday here i come






是否你曾经注意我的眼泪流在透明的水里

WTF im going to school on monday aklfhoqoqvnoqivn90qnipvn390nv
i havent realised that im only left with 5 days of fun left.
RAAAAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKYOOUUUUUUUUUU
i havent bought a sch bag, my leather shoes and stationeries. fuck. ]
these few days are gonna be fucking busy

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life,
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

我在你的心里有多少位置
只有你自己最能够解释

日出日落黑夜白昼时时刻刻拥在怀中
清清楚楚这感动分秒可以成永久
我望著你你看著我有句话我想对你说
今生今世跟著我做你幸福的理由
嫁给我





爱是我爱是你爱是肯定句

fuck. im goin sch in april, and ive been ordered to either go church, or quit smoking.
fuckkk man. why does life have to be so hard everytime?

sometimes, or rather all times, when you want something real bad, you gotta fight real hard for it, dont just give things up and then whine and whine tell people u didnt achieved anything.
dont just say it, show it. when you dont treasure what people left for you, dont blame people for leaving things for other people.
how many of us in this world really get what we want? the love we want, the place we want, the respect we want, the pride we want. People work their asses off just to get to the position they expect in the working world, while some people just put in their least, and expects to be promoted in a single instance.
sitting behind fucking the whole world doesnt bring you the joy you anticipated. so sit down reflect and think why your life is in a mess, or why you are who you are at this moment?




at this moment i'm one of those dissatisfied mobs who believe justice should be done, but what have i done to deserve justice?

The hardest thing to do, indeed is to see the one you love, loving somebody else.
and the only thing you could ever do, is either to watch, or leave the scenario, without any message, without any goodbye.
time has always been slipping away, you wish you could tell the person how much u treasured her and how everything has hit you hard, but no, u rather keep quiet. so who's to be blamed?
who's the one escaping reality? and who's the one carrying high hopes?





i wanna hold you but i dare not touch, i wanna love you but my senses telling me to stop

IM SO QJLBIPVQBQ8VIPQVGQIPVNPQINQIPN fucking frustrated

Insert a scenario, whereby you wake up the next day, and you found yourself forgotten about every single thing the day before. you'd clearly remember you went out for a party, the next day you wake up, only to remember you stayed home for the past week. yours dreams and reality becomes crossovers, the words all dont seem right, the feelings all mess up. Everything seems to be piling up on you. Suicide or justice to your life, you seemed to be stuck.
and there's no way out.





there's a freedom in your arms, that carries me through, i need you

ITS RAINING! HOW TO GO TO THE BBQ?
OH NO!!!
if i dont go, the birthday girl will sure to be fucking disappointed lah
HOW HOW HOW.
OH NOOOOOO.
pls stop raining though i know it will continue to rain.





and those words to you i nvr meant, those messages of fond that ive sent

心不再拼命跺.不去害怕结果
假设有个以后.你会怎么说
一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走

i dont need an attitude change,
you just need an attitude adjustment

sometimes the amount of heart you put into something or someone,
doesnt reap what you have sowed.





there can be one, and only one.

ARGGHHH IM GOING INSANE. jabouqhgqbg8qgqbni!!!!! FUCK MAN. im gonna be a fucked emo kid soon.
VK;QVNQIPEVNPQNQEHV09QH9Q3NV9VNPINBWNBWIL NN LAF0QYF0QWY
ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHY CANT I EVEN SORT OUT A FUCKING THOUGHT ??!!!

if words were so easy to say, then maybe fate wouldnt be arranged in such a way

The wrong kind of fate

Is it gonna be a bad thing to do, to slip and fall in love with you?

the wrong kind of fate, the coincidental kind of accident.

god NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooOoOoOoOOOoooOOOO






i dont wanna fall in too deep, the undesired consequences are hard to keep

so life yesterday,
1) Mr bean's holiday with my SKK peiling
2) Holland V with peiling and cynthia.
3) Taka with peiling cynthia justin jasmin
4) Town with Chick, cheryl, jeremy
5) Esplanade with justin, jasmin, cynthia, peiling
6) Home
7) Riding with justin choo peiling jasmin xiaohui.
God damm the ride yesterday was hilarious though. 3 guys fetched 3 girls along. lucky or unlucky i dpes. Oh well, part of the diet programme. LOL.
lucky or unlucky i dont know, but i pillioned xiaohui. From commonwealth till river valley. yes to you rat heads, it may seem near, but fuck up its god damm tiring esp when you having passengers. and the up-slo
and today,
went to shatec wid justin and min to find out about my enrollment at shatec. YES YES IM OFFICIALLY A STUDENT AT SHATEC. i nvr once thought i would end up in this line of hotel and tourism. though i hate facing the front desk and the guests, but sometimes when you dont have any turns except for a straight road you just have to eat humble pies isnt it?
amd after that followed chick home to change, then went to meet ivy at town.
fuck ups i lost billiard today. den dinner at killiney, den AH TENG'S BAKERY at raffles, then to crystabelle.




笑开始的一页, 别让泪写完结篇

okay so i just hit home from jeremy's place after sleeping over at his place,
went cycling yesterday, from home to justin's place at 11pm god, then to tea garden.
spend an hour or 2 there, playing around wid jasmin and peiling's labtops. thereafter justin and i became chauffeurs, fetched the 2 princesses home. hilarious though, the way we cycled. was my first time chauffeuring ppl on a bicycle. peiling got her hands injured though. SORRY LAH SKK. didnt mean to ride so badly. next time i'll put in the metal platform thing k =)
prbly stay home today, since the guys are going bballing. bored =/





when no one hears you scream, i'll scream with you, you'll be safe here

going night cycle later,
THIS IS LIFE, tell me about it man.
i aint missing out good fun indeed =DD

well if u cant get a fish, get a prawn like the old saying goes.
the prawn might taste better than the fish, its how you cook it.



well, this is it. im holding on but letting go of you

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I BE PULLED THE TRIGGER AT???

and memories really play like old-school film without sound.





the places you'll never know i've been just to get a step closer to your heart

yes im a cyclist again. wheeeeeeeheeee
life today, went to safra to play pool wid ernest, den headed to his place to take the bicycle for justin.
then we headed to my place, which after went to find choo.
sorry lah choo didnt mean to keep you waiting. sorry lah dont angry okayyyyy!!!

so tmr,
its gonna be sentosaaaa in the morning for cycling.
den home,
den its gonna be IVY.
i havent seen u in 89722807240170 days~
life isnt that bad after all is it...

sometimes it seems the one you fall for,
arent the ones who would fall for you.
and thats when you have to keep it down below the surface.
in order not to ruin any good parts of the ship.

the patience, and the rushed.

OH fuck ive finished watching ZHUAN JIAO YU DAO AI. was quite a happy ending, but a sad start, cause i've NO MORE SHOWS TO WATCH.
any such drams to recommend anyone?

In front of you is a dead end,
turn towards the corner,
there will be hope.






will you marry me once, for every day in our lives ?

okay so im catching the taiwanese drama, ZHUAN JIAO YU DAO AI. featuring xiaozhu and da S.
the show's really great. serious. u guys who're reading this post should really go watch it, even if u dont understand. fuck its seriously a nice show to watch.
im at episode15 right now. yes i know its crazy to watching 15 episodes with 8 parts each episode.
but fuck i cant help it day in day out ive been watching it.
so yea, a great drama review. go catch it on youtube, rat heads =)

爱转角遇见了谁.是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美



我爱你的.心牵挂着
一直想跟你说.幸福不再溜走

Is love just like the smoke we blow,
right after we inhale from a cigarette,
vanishing right after we blow it out,
will it be like a candle,
keep on burning until the candle totally melts,
or is love like a waterfall,
never ending,
until the end of time?



would we ever be like the waterfall, drowning all ships as obstacles?

Julian can't skate. period.

I suddenly recalled of an analysis i did, bookmarked the page. Here it goes :

"You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no-one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a 'trier' and indications are that you will, as indeed you have in the past, 'bounce back'. "

okay so life today. went out with celeste, supposed to pay for the sch fee thing, but ended up with a fucked S.A.M machine. Took a bus to bugis, acc her walk around bugis village, then to topshop at bugis junction, then back to bugis village, then back to bugis junction again. then met up wid jeremy, justin, jasmin, peiling to have supper at river valley. PRATA!!

and so life tmr's prbly gonna be skate. yes skateboarding im back. thrasher, u better go take a featured photo of me. its gonna be thru the night i guess. hope i dont slap my hips on the concrete again.



if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waiting, time after time.

and so, life yesterday.
went to watch stomp the yard with celeste last evening at cine.
the show was " okay average can do." only
its like you got served + step up+ tap dancing.
same old kind of plots,
niggas fight, bound to be a nigga dead.
i began to wonder if life for them was really like that, fists and guns.
anyways yea. den we talk a stroll down, from LIDO right up to REDHILL.
god for so long i havent been doing much of a sport,
that was quite a feat. took couple of pics as we walked along chatsworth, right up to the foot of magaret drive, den down to redhill. den took a cab frm there to her place, den headed home.
went out to play pool and some video games wid justin choo sk and min, den headed to tanglin halt for some wanton mee. burrrp. power.



oh yes, and if any whores have any comments about my life, please let me know in my face.
dont start bitching. i know, talking behnid ppl's back seems to be a nature of humans. but i lead my life the way i want it to be. im in my right state of mind, so yea.


后来 我总算学会了如何去爱 可惜你早已远云 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白 有些人 一旦错过就不再

也许就是因为太常想你
也许就是传说中的念力 一千次发出想你的信息
你是不是也有感应 ?

why did the things around us stopped revolving,
smashing the entire line of fates,
disintegrating our paths,
making us live on with the pretense,
would we ever even cross that line,
between yours and mine.



and i'd constantly miss you, only to find myself having thoughts of you on random nights ever since

Ride into the future.

FUCKING SHIT. i want to take my driving license!!!
im gonna find a job real hard and soon. i want to take my license for fuck's sake.
life's pretty great at the moment for now, hopefully shatec takes me in.
i gotta learn abt wines there. it sucks yes i know. but lucky for me, i could pick a tip or 2 from my old man...
fuck fuck fuck everybody's gonna take their license soon. i know i shouldnt conform. BUT IM 19 ALR. yes yes i should take. i wont wait few more years for my aunt's CPF and be a bastard to take from her. im gonna take take take license license license.


i was looking thru a couple of the tees collection by UC (for u dookies who doesnt know, its undercover).
i was wondering how they do those designs. its not just drawing or planning. i was wondering if it was photoshopped. i know i shouldnt be thinking about designing anymore, given the situation that i wanna take hotel management course. i know i should really give up on art and all, but i dont know why my interest of designing still stays. the labels, the graphics. its not just about brands, its about the graphics as well.
sigh. i guess i should just give in to fate and drop the idea of art already.

and i read the interview with dave white on the hypebeast forum.
stated there that he's 17. fuck he's a talented artist no doubt. he paint sneaks and all. he's got his own clothing line. we dont see such things happening in s'pore except SBTG isnt it. s'pore got a small market. with brands like headline, afterlife (afterlife is crap), hooked clothings, accidental potrait. well maybe headline's doing well only. surrender and sbtg has both gone international.
well, thats singapore. small country, small market. big spendings from the people. learn from the gurus, rat heads =)



these are the words i cant speak, these are the feelings i can spit.

curse and swear,
those tortures that god will make us wear.

yes it does look kind of silly.

i wanna skate back again. arghhhh jfklajflahgnagihekqhgioqeh
the fever's coming back again...cause of dez who did a kickflip in front of me =/
now to the peeps whos gonna start and go "hahaha julian's grown fatter he aint gonna skate for nuts" think again, bbq-ed rat heads.

so for the past few days, been out, to shatec, to shatec, and shatec. for 3 days.
met up with ivy for 2 days, cant remb which 2 days.
practically met justin and choo for everyday.
spent 1 day wid celeste. yes i know, i owed u. =D
spent everyday online. yes yes.
got back around 12 plus earlier, was at around somerset, slacking around wid justin choo and daryl.


skip the bape bling, ive bought a cheaper alternative. sbtg black saigon. tell me whos the king. HEH HEH. nahhh. im broke, thats why i needed to buy a cheaper alternative. and yea, the red camo shit's not worth the money like the guys said. break it open tmr, on peiling's birthday bash.
im gonna save moneeeeeeeeeeeee. ive got loads of things to get. im gonna work. i know, ive been procrastinating about work, laze around and all. but yes, for the sake of my stuffs.
life's pretty great at the moment. no bitching whores, no worries except for shatec.

okay so its fuck nafa.
i dont get the damm idea of being in 1 of the 100 over people in the desperate waiting list.
chances of getting in is fucking slim, and i have to wait for the results like may or june.
its really a "fuck you" to them.

its gonna be fuck shatec if i dont get in this one this time.
PLEASE GOD, WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU DESPERATELY for your sake.


well, been boring wid life cause of my tertiary applications. fuck them all.

on friday, celebrated xuling's birthday with jeremy.
went to seah street for dinner, den sat around rocky master and had a drink, then headed home. took loads of pics with them both, with some hilarious ones.
like the ones when xuling took wearing jeremy's supreme blazers. real cockhead she is at times. lol

and oh yes. TRUE RED TRUE RED may you be mine really!
fuck im been dying for this pair of BABIES.
i have jeremy partly to thank. if not for the patents i dont think i'll get what i want right now.
and ji too. those were yours initially, and its gonna land into another stranger's hands.
too much of ailment with the sneaker freak obsession. well, so long.

and those red camo blings. u'll be mine before u know it =DDD
when there's a will, there's always a way.

and why doesnt Edison gives me the set of clothes he gave john mayer. FUCK U JOHN ure seriously in luck.
the set came with an alienegra white camo, a pair of clot x madsaki 517's, and a pair of clot air max!!!!!
wtfbbqchaoda. sometimes i really wonder how the celebrity circle walks around.
companies giving celebrity sponsor, and let them endorse. like how blackberry gave Edison the phone-cum-PDA.
lucky fuckies.




those flashbacks came instantly without a warning,
and memories played like flims without sounds

god please let me into nafa.
i dont wanna go back to prison for fuck's sake.
godma's place is a prison if im gonna retake O's.
qss. private. whatever it is.
and if im goin into godma's place,
goodbye my friends. take care.
i will miss you guys loads =(



if seeing you again is a mistake i have no choice but refusing to repent.

no matter how hard we try,
we cant prevent rumours,
only the ones who really know us well enough
can judge our characters.
and you,
you're not one of them to judge me.
people have all their fingers pointed at you,
yet i tried not add another.
still, i got my ass kicked by your words.

im convinced.
all my friends were right about you all along.
yet i refused their judgment about you.
how stupid was i.
i should have just listened and stopped giving chances.
words spread fast, so please dont pull a fast tale on me.
cause you'll probably gonna burn in hell, bitch.

class512 2006, shall we organise another chalet or something??!!
fuck, i missing you guys all of a sudden.

My appeal letter. FUCK.

Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts
To whom it may concern


I am Julian chan, formerly from queesnway secondary school. I have tried to apply for this school for its diploma in visual communications, but unfortunately rejected due to not meeting the school's requirements of 4 credits in o level. I only managed to achieve 3 credits. But i still hope that you will accept me, because i feel i want to excel in this area, of arts.

I have basic relevant painting/drawing experience in the past 3 years of art lesson in my secondary school, from sec3 to sec5. From a student who does not know anything about shading and painting i become a student who did fairly well for o levels, with a B4 in art and design.

I sincerely hope you will accept me, because i know i will be able to get into the competitive world of design, and the desires of the market's demand. I want to cater, not only to design, but also to the ideas of the society in the future fully equipped with the skill that i have learnt from this school, after i graduate if i am able to get into this school.

I can also ensure my efficiency, in terms of taking charge of my future projects, as well as manage my time well. I will not push my credits further, rather if you are willing to give me a chance to prove myself a place in this school, and your allowance will not be disappointed.

I sincerely hope you will put my appeal and my portfolio into consideration, as i really hope to enter this school, and excel.


Yours sincerely,
Julian chan,
6/3/06

i have never felt so lost in my life.
not to the extent of not knowing what i want with it,
or where i can go with it.
can someone, just anyone.
direct me.
god, anyone.
god, if you can direct me really,
a million thanks wont do,
but my faith will increase for you.
really.
im basically screwed with everything i have, and everything that i dont

a hundred tonights wont bring things to place for fate.
a thousand goodbyes wont heal these wounds,
a million hearts, wont ever camouflage one boy's anticipation for you.

Ronin- One more moment

Don't take too long to say
"I love you" to the ones you love,
cause time has a habit of slipping away

Out on a clear blue sky,
when lighting strikes on a sunny day,
just take me in and keep me from the rain,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you
Turn around to say goodbye,
with each and every word that passes by,
like a distant memory,
and time keeps slipping away,
and time will turn to grey,
and time will be the one who holds you down,

And the words that seem so hard to say,
come out when you've gone away,
stay a little while and hear me say,

That I want you here tonight,
and I need you by my side,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,

And I want you by my side,
and I need you here tonight,
for just one more moment,
for just one more moment,
with you

Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong,
and in the end it hits you hard,
please tell me you'll be strong

sometimes i wonder,
if we hadnt knew each other in the first place,
would fate ever give in?
cause time has a habit of slipping away.
and i could only keep everything right down under,
right away, away from your face...



cant explain all the things that you're making me feel, my heart's been over-driven and you're behind the steering wheel