wowwweeee havent been blogging for the past 5 days,
so to begin on friday. went to KTV with ivy, cy, leonard,justin, jasmin, huiting, kelwin, sk, joe, guanfeng, peiling, cynthia. wad a blast. then went to clarke quay to slack thereafter went home.
saturday went out with chick and peeps, watched " blades of glory" fuck that was hell out of a movie. havent been to the movies with them for long time alr. diff people diff interest these days. who gives a shit about you, you could really tell, and who doesnt.

and this, to my beloved mom on sunday
thanks for being my shield, my listening ear, my defense for my past 19 years. since young i've always been a naughty kid, getting into fist fights and getting into the teachers' bad books, but yet u shielded me no matter how bad i was. i can still remember the time you did my homework for me when i was in pri 4, and how the teacher chided you infront of the other parents, yet you took it in your stride. it felt bad i could tell. i can remember how you went to talk to Mr chua and how you wanted me to repeat my secondary 3. i remember how bad u begged him just to let me continue studying secondary school. i remember how happy you looked when i passed my n levels and how disappointed you were when i did badly for my o's. i remember how anxious you were when i couldnt get into an art school, and how you wanted me to quickly defer my army. i remember how glad you were when i had a school to go into, and how you rushed for my uniforms and books.
and for all these and more, thanks for being my mother.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM,
love you deep deep!!
and the pizza tasted good indeed =DD
i will try to give you what you've always wanted; grades.
i will try i promise =)



love comes, love go. you and i, we're gonna line love up in a row.

god please open up a route for me.
im about to break down so badly im about to fall.
please just rise and come down to me,
take my pain, just take it all.






and my worst pains are words i cannot say, still i will always fight on for you

LOVE;
its that simple, when u turn the poker cards of 7,0, Ace, and 3.
it happens as easily as that. and it ends as quickly when you tear the cards up. its that simple.
people fight so hard to win the heart of that certain someone,
just to earn heartbreaks and tear drops. some break their own hearts, some just drop their tears and continue on with the journey.
and some in the process get all so sensitive over trivial issues by not trusting the other party.
some throw up the fucked up tantrum like people owe them a living.
well, ive learnt in aunt's church " to love one another."
to love one another is 1 thing. to love for the wrong other is altogether another issue.
burnt marks leave scars, and hearts get locked up behind bars.
when you're convicted of that love so hard you cant let go, thats no love anymore
; its possession.
love happens, when you let go without regrets to see your significant others live their lives happily,
cause a person's reflection will only come when they have lost some thing off them.




and for that i cant say i love you, cause we'll end up at 2 ends of the world

There are some things you can only wait.
in silence.

and after you find everything is through,
this is me, standing before you.




i wont wait because it wont fade.

Tomorrow's FnB official training date. no gimmicks go bullshits, real people real guests. fuck.
CAN I STOP TIME.
oh well, friday please come faster then. stop at sunday.
and im still missing queensway secondary school. fuck im not getting emo its just that i cant let it go. all that memories in queensway. a swift 6 years and poof!, we're all in our seperate ways.
classmates called me "pangseh" today. but oh well. secondary schoolmates comes first, people who feel the way i do, im sure they understand =)
in future i dont know, but for now these will be the people i treasure. and love them deep deep. quoted by Mr bullshit/bulgit singh. LOLLOL
im starting to like this discipline master of mine alot. and his sentence "from the words of my late grandmother; FUCK OFF"
wad an interesting lecturer. lol. love him deep deep lah.



through hell and flames, i see your name

cause the last thing i will do it to beg you.
fuck you, hear me dad.
cause one day if u ever land up in the old folks home dont fucking ask me why

Dont tell me why you can read me,
when i tell you ignorance struck you for a long time.

guilt. the mother of all crimes, the government of all wrongdoings.
and the holder of your conscience.
people tend to keep quiet at things. they cant give u a definition of something you want. why? its because they dont realize something they've been accumulating that seems to be wrong.
people just takes others for idiots, thinking life goes on without any thing that seemed to be wrong.
and you seemed like you've been sentenced for it =/


i cant tell you what i want, why not tell me what you can offer ?

If i ever die tomorrow,
letters ive written and kept will be sent out to everyone, everyone whom i treasure. I feel like im disintegrated from life, i feel helpless. so bad till i cant even do anything to change my own fate.
I've more or less finished writing all these letters, in case my life ends in an instant.
because life is so unpredictable i've seen friends leave one by one from this earth,
i dont want to bring along regrets with me when i leave.




As I go, remember all the simple things you know, My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone, This is the last song

phew. life for the past week was hectic indeed. coudnt blog cause my dad spoilt my cpu few days back, and my password's being kept inside this com.
so yea, back to life.
the week passed relatively fast and smooth, from monday till friday.
went out with justin on tues to harbourfront,
home for wed and thurs,
had a date with girlfriend on friday.
in case u're wondering, woooooo who the hell.
yes, Sim huiting. yes i know all that controversy's gonna start behind my back again.
well, if u fellas wanna talk about it, why not do it in front of me =DDD
oh well. we went to far east to have chicken rice, den treated her to that gelato thinggy.
den got interrupted by justin and kelwin. so we play billard bla bla.
Sat was hell of abit disappointing, cause many couldnt turn up. peiling and xiaohui had to work the following day so they didnt join us for the steamboat at my place.
so had it with justin kelwin jasmin guanfeng jeremy leonard.
sunday was a stay home day.
today had school, finished at 7plus. fuck shatec's schedule once again.
yes yes yes hopefully friday comes around fast enough again. will be accompanying jenn to the dentist.

and now a random subject. my new friends in class. though i seldom join them outside class, still i find their friendship warming. though we barely knew each other for 2weeks, we could get along real well, other than that hong kong bastard. the rest were all great people. tmr's hui hui's bday and we're going out. first ever shatec class outing. HAHA.
but one thing's for sure. no matter how close these friends are, they will never be compared to my fellas, from justin and peeps to jeremy and peeps, right to ivy.
these are friendships that one will never forget braving all storms and rainbows through years =DDD





and between now and then till i see you again, i'll be loving you, love me.

yes, friday's coming again. i just cant seem to wait for the weekends to come, meeting the fellas, hanging around crapping and catch up on the week's activities. read peiling's blog and somehow i feel she's right. we cant seem to find friends in school now, maybe cause we cant bear to part with the ones we love, the ones we're so close to all these while before tertiary started.
that explains how much we miss them, and how i think if it comes to one day the ones i really treasure arent my friends anymore. well, some are gone. some are going. some are locked right deep inside. And perhaps thats the primary reason why i nvr socialize with my classmates outside school.
well, life today was quite a breeze for the sizzling 5hrs that everyone assumed to be burnt from.
did more napkin folding, and the table setting. instant flashbacks of working life at the raffles hotel 2 years ago came to my mind. damn.
had econs lessons today, and i think im probably gonna get burnt from the econs test 3 weeks from now. stoned around during POC lessons. I just dont get the idea of having a communications class when its all common sense. oh well, perhaps i will slowly learn the importance of it, just like its too late for me to realise the importance of maths and science.
Well tmr and friday's gonna be quite relaxed, cause tmr's lessons end at 4, and friday's lesson end at 11 plus. Now u know why i like thurs and fridays SO MUCH.







i got a lot to say but i guess i'll start by, saying that i love you, but you know this aint a walk in park for the both us

Everyday you see people holding on to the things you want so badly,
knowing you wont be able to get it and yet you try to find a replacement.
And everytime disappointment hits you again and again,
yet you cant utter your thoughts.
what can you even try to say when your world crumbles down and buries you?



tell all my friends im dead, im leaving you, this time is for good, tell all my friends that im dead, it wont be long before you forget my name

i've come to a point again where i feel i cant do it anymore.
though its gonna be a letdown, im sorry to those i promised.
i dont think i can go through these pains.
i give up.
every single thing i clung onto,
every single thing i fought hard for to keep,
i give up.





i dont love you, like i do, yesterday

I don't have an attitude problem,
you just got a problem adjusting to it

okay something abit normative and personal, slightly political as well.
well, im sure every single soul knows about the shooting in VT, in the U.S.
HAH that bastard was kind of a hero dude!!! he shot 30 plus ppl u know. goddamm.
and to add, we cant really blame the shit out of him, because he was teased by those Caucasians man. i read the newpaper, and it stated that those shitheads teased and taunted him with words like " go back to china" fucking racists man. i bet they didnt watch freedom writers.
that had enuff reasons for him to shoot them down man. people used to say things like " hey dont be a fucking racist" and look now, who's not following norms dude.
when i read that sentence "go back to china"
i felt a great sense of support towards him. i dont support killers usually, but for someone who kills because of being teased so badly about race, he deserves abit of credit isnt it.
30 odd people, what a feat.

why do people regret and give all sorts of reason to win something back,
only when they've lost something so dear to them?
is that a normal human being's nature?
or have they failed to see the ongoing process of everything?





you want something bad, fight for it. Its because you didn't try, that led you to the ground.

Only when shit happens will you find who really stands by you.
be glad they stood by you, be glad they were absent.
everything has just begun.

and i just hope you know,
that if you say goodbye today,
i'd ask you to be true,
cause the hardest part of this,
is leaving you



and im counting the days to go,and it just ain't living

so life today.
went to meet justin for lunch at tiong bahru, den went home, went to queensway shopping centre to acc justin for his job interview thing, had a bad mood and went to the arcade to punch some real puncher. for the first time i hit 150, something im not proud of, but just to be able to conclude that when anger gets the better of you, you could do rampage. well, i tried, but so what? those punches left a swell on my fists.
thereafter went to anchorpoint, supposedly to have dinner but had no appetite, so sat at the food court and had a long chat wid justin and jasmin.
thanks to you both, for all that advices, or else i wouldnt know how else to control my temper.
owe u guys one really. you both taught toleration to life, and that is perhaps the first step of everything. to forgive and forget. to swallow pride.
every first step will be tough, but as we go on i believe the paces will be smoother than before.

i want to continue, to be accepted, as well as be condemned.
to those who could possibly accept what i am, thanks for your faith.
to those who cant, sorry i let you down and out, but thats just too bad.

for a friendship that's worth keeping, nothing else matters